Never Empty Nest: Grandparents raising seven grandchildren

By Kelly Kazek
CNHI News Service

OKLAHOMA CITY August 24, 2006 11:16 am

— Kids of varying sizes pile out of the commercial-size van at Greater Mount Olive Baptist Church.
They are two children too many to be the Partridges and one more than the Brady Bunch. But the seven Thornton kids don’t fit molds. For one thing, they are being raised by their grandparents.
Jacqueline and William Thornton, both 59, of Oklahoma City, have guardianship of their daughter’s children: Sharryc, 17; Kyra, 15; Kaleb, 13; Cameron, 12; Abriana, 10; Aaron, 8 and Demarcus, 6, because the last of their three fathers was accused of abusing some of them six years ago.
"My husband and I were away with friends when we got the call," said Jacqueline Thornton.
She said the children had been temporarily placed in separate foster homes and her primary concern was keeping them together.
But living in a 1,500-square-foot home with just two bedrooms, the Thorntons did not meet state requirements for so many children. With the help of a social worker and after remodeling their home, making the den into bedrooms, they were able to achieve their goal.
"The social worker was just precious," said Mrs. Thornton. "She didn’t want to split up these kids."
Then, a few years ago, a deacon from their church sold the Thorntons a 3,200-square-foot home with four bedrooms so the family would have even more room. Both of the Thorntons work for the church and say they have tried to instill a spiritual sense into the lives of their grandchildren.
Several of the grandchildren had lived with the Thorntons at various times, but once guardianship was granted, the Thorntons faced raising a family of seven just when their three children had finally left home.
"For two months we had the house to ourselves. All of a sudden, things drastically changed," said William Thornton.
The youngest child was 10 months old and still in diapers at the time.
"I thought, ‘We’ve got to do this all over again,'" he said.
The challenge was greater not only because of the number of children but because several of them had serious health issues. Five of the children had severe allergies and respiratory problems, one had herpes on his legs and another had severe eczema diagnosed as a trauma-related illness.
"His hands were so crusted he couldn’t use them," said Jacqueline.
Another child was losing her hair because of stress, and one had learning disorders because his mother did not take him to kindergarten or first-grade, the grandmother said. Another child, she said, had attachment issues after she was left at day care by her mother, who then disappeared for two years.
All of the children receive professional counseling, said the Thorntons.
The children were removed from the daughter's custody because she wouldn't stop abusing them, said Mrs. Thornton. She said her daughter had a long history of instability, with symptoms of bipolar disorder, something Mrs. Thornton has learned about while studying for a master’s degree in psychology in order to become a professional counselor.
"I told her she needs to be on medication," said Mrs. Thornton.
Striking a balance between doing what is best for her daughter and what is best for her grandchildren has been difficult, said Mrs. Thornton. She said she enabled her daughter for years, helping pay utility bills and rent, because she did not want the children to be without a home.
But recently, the Thorntons cut off contact between their daughter and the children after she told them stories of the abuse were fabricated and tried to get the children to go back to court and say they wanted to be with her.
"We can’t have the kids up and down," said Mrs. Thornton. "It is a major issue because we have rules and she will go against what we say."
The couple said they try to raise their grandchildren with the same care and concern that they gave their own children, but that it is difficult to make the switch from a doting grandparent to a strict caregiver. The family attends church and the kids are not allowed to watch television on weeknights so they can do homework.
The Thorntons rely on extended family - siblings, aunts and uncles - and church members to help.
Mrs. Thornton hopes the children will further their education and go on to lead productive lives. Her enrollment in graduate school is an incentive, she said.
"We talk about education and careers rather than jobs," she said.
Sharryc wants to be a forensic scientist, Kyra a judge, Cameron an FBI agent, Abrianna a veterinarian and Demarcus a baseball star.
But Mrs. Thornton worries the children could get caught in the cycle of repeat behavior.
"How are they going to parent?" is the big question, she said.

Kelly Kazek is a CNHI News Service Elite Reporting Fellowship recipient. She writes for The News Courier in Athens, Ala.

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