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March 28, 2014

Medical wake-up call prompts questions about life, marriage

Dear Abby: I have been married almost four years. Recently I had some medical problems that were my wake-up call. I’m fine now, but I no longer am willing to wait for “someday.”

I decided to try some new hobbies, one of which is skydiving. I had said for years I’d never do it because I’m afraid of heights. But I have changed my mind, and for me, this is a big deal.

When I asked my husband what he thought, his response was, “I’m not spending the day just to see you jump out of an airplane.” Talk about disappointing!

I have always “gone with the flow” when he has wanted to do something. I know he doesn’t want to go skydiving, but all I wanted was his support, and maybe someone to take a video or pictures.

His response has left me wondering about a lot of things. I have had enough of his negativity. He doesn’t do anything except stay home. I guess I expected him to be excited for me, or to say he didn’t want me doing it. The first is what I would have preferred. Now I’m not sure where I go from here.

Disappointed In San Diego

Dear Disappointed: I hope you realize this letter isn’t about skydiving, but your husband’s refusal to help you celebrate your new lease on life.

A successful marriage is one in which a couple ideally grows TOGETHER. If your husband is unwilling or unable to do that, then “where you go from here” is to first ask him if he’s willing to talk to a marriage counselor with you. If he’s not, then schedule some sessions for yourself with a licensed professional and discuss the circumstances that led to your “wake-up call.” It will help you rationally — and unemotionally — decide how best to enjoy this gift of life you have been given.

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