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April 5, 2013

Boomer Talk: The Dating Game

It is springtime and your thoughts may turn to “love,” especially if you are a single person and wanting, hoping for something or someone new.

Many Boomers and those beyond are looking for a mate or at least someone to date — maybe for the second or third time. But now, in this more evolved phase of our lives, dating may feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. It’s not like the old days when you could ask your friends to “fix you up.” Back then your life probably revolved around others your own age who were equally single and wanting to hook up. When we move up in age, many of our friends are already in marriages so it can be much more challenging, and even hard work, to find someone new.

My friend, Camille, typical of many women I know, tells me, “I’ve given up on ever finding a man I could fall in love with. I’ve left that part of my life behind; I’d rather devote my time to friends and children and grandkids.”

I respond to this by saying, “So, no more romance in your life? No more experiencing that fluttery, exalted feeling when you do meet someone you like a lot and want to be close with. Is that possibility over and done with?”

I could see her wavering a little at this suggestion. I took a risk and added, “And what about physical intimacy, loving touch, and you know, sex?”

“What about it? I just don’t care all that much to get involved and close to anyone ever again. I can live without it.”

Yes, we probably can live without it. However the medical experts tell us staying sexual is an important ingredient in keeping the body healthy and thus promoting longevity. There seems to be agreement that being sexually active, no matter what the age, is a really good thing for body, mind and spirit.

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