NewburyportNews.com, Newburyport, MA

PortWatch

February 22, 2013

Manganiello: Great relationships don't just happen

People who work on themselves tend to enjoy better marriages and other long-term committed relationships than people who don’t.

Why?

Two reasons: 1.) because they are more aware of their conditioned patterns and programs, and 2.) because they are more connected to who they deeply are.

In a nutshell: Working on yourself grants self-knowledge, and self-knowledge is the foundation of a good relationship and a good life.

People who are in a relationship, but who do not have knowledge of their unconscious patterns and programs, burden their partners with projections and an unconscious movie ­­­— especially from their unfinished business with their family of origin.

Projection happens when one partner “insists they see” their own unconscious tendencies in the other.

Those in a relationship who are not aware of who they deeply are, beyond their surface identity, cannot “give themselves” to their partner. If you’re stuck at the surface, in your conditioned self-image, you’ll be uncertain about who you are. It will be as if you don’t really own yourself, and if you don’t own yourself, then you can’t really give yourself to your partner in intimacy.

People who have worked on themselves have more of what it takes to make strong relationships. They realize that great relationships are made — they don’t just happen. One reason they know this is that they’ve taken the time and acquired the know-how to make a strong relationship with themselves.

If you know your unconscious, automatic programs and patterns and if you are connected to who you deeply are, you can enjoy the tie, bond and commitment you have with a spouse or partner, as the sweet spot of your life’s adventure.

But, if you’re insecure and uncertain about yourself, you’ll feel too leery and ill-at-ease to get close and intimate with another person and so, like your relationship with yourself, your relationships with others will live at the surface. And, relationships at the surface don’t get enough of a blood supply to thrive and prosper.

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