Unfortunately, most people look at relationship through rose-colored glasses. The entry into the harsh times of troubled relationships begins with the fact that society offers us an unrealistic views and images of relationship, especially of marriage. Many couples buy into the unrealistic images about relationship that film, television and music feed us every day. They have no idea that they need knowledge and tools to make their marriage work, grow and prosper.
Another misleading idea that couples bring into their relationship is that God wants them to stay together. I am in no position to confirm what God wants or not, but I think that God may be too busy to attend to what we need to take care of ourselves. God may not want us to get cavities or have our teeth fall out, but it’s our job to brush.
Marriage is hard work and until we see and break free from our conditioned self-image, and until we become aware of our projection making tendencies, we won’t be ready to give our marriage the heart-based intimacy it needs to thrive and prosper.
Couples in trouble often feel that the problem is that they’ve “fallen out of love.” I often hear: “I love my spouse, but I am not in love with them anymore.” That’s to be expected because everyone falls out of romantic love. That’s life. The real problem is that their relationship’s supply of love and friendship is running on empty and they don’t know how to replenish it.
Many couples blame financial tension for their problems. While financial tension can indeed create relationship woes, it’s often only a small factor in relationships that don’t work well. The only difference between couples who make millions a year and couples who make a whole lot less is the price of the home they fight and suffer in.