, Newburyport, MA


November 28, 2012

Parent Pill: Have you a Zap for Apps?


So here is my attempt at what I would read aloud today.

Just a few random excerpts from “One Fish, Two Fish” that I took some creative license with, thinking you might relate if you have kids with revered gadgets. But please excuse my inexperience at mastering the anapestic tetrameter Seuss employed, since I don’t have a clue what a tetrameter even is, let alone making it anapestic.

One phone, two phone, iPhone, YouPhone,

Black phone, blue phone, old phone, new phone.

This one has a little app.

This one has a nifty map.

Say! What a lot of phones there are.

Yes, some are slow and some are fast.

Some are dull and some a blast.

Some are fad and some are rad

And some are very, very bad.

Why are they fad and rad and bad?

I do not know, go ask iPad.

Who Am I? My name is Teen.

I do not like my little screen.

This is no good. This is not right.

My friends stay up and Skype all night.

And when I call them up, Oh Dear,

My head gets all cut off up here.

At our house, we open apps.

We have to open many apps.

And that is why we have a Zaps.

A Zaps for Apps is very good.

Have you a Zaps for Apps? You should.

I could go on, but you get the sentiment I’m trying to convey here. Adults are now like a one-dimensional phone app that pays for meals, activities and college tuition but doesn’t speak unless spoken to, especially in front of other teens who might figure out the blood lineage.

Here we are killing ourselves to be good parents, to spend quality time with our kids, to engage them in countless activities and to raise them with the morals and values that were instilled in us. And yet, they are much more concerned with having an intimate relationship with their phones, which they never use to actually call anyone since calling is apparently so yesterday.

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