NewburyportNews.com, Newburyport, MA

PortWatch

April 30, 2014

Squirrel strategies

Tips, serious and not, for protecting birdfeeders

(Continued)

After hearing similar stories from other frustrated bird lovers, Adler decided to pen the first edition of his diatribe against the rodents. Also included in the book are feeder ratings, ways to attract certain birds and 101 “cunning stratagems” to keep squirrels at bay. Some are practical. Most are hilariously ludicrous.

Some of the more entertaining:

Dig a moat around your feeder. Fill it with piranha.

Encourage your neighbors — and what the heck, your local government — to use drones to monitor and, ahem, deal with squirrels.

Buy a squirrel costume. Parade around your yard wearing it. Squirrels can’t figure out what in the world is going on, and it drives them away.

Buy some lasers and set up a hologram show in your yard. Make holograms of cats and hunters.

Cry. Maybe the squirrel will feel sorry for you and go away.

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