This Hallmark holiday, Valentine's Day, is so publicized, it's hard to get away from the reminders.
We've just barely passed through Christmas and New Year's — with all that spending encouragement — and now we get to hear that the day of Cupid is almost upon us. Take out the checkbook or the credit card and make your love known to that special someone in your life. Buy gifts, maybe perfume or chocolates or sexy underwear. Reserve a table at a favorite restaurant and be sure to send a cute, silly or romantic card.
However, if you are single, it is the day you are reminded that there is no one who is sending you a romantic valentine.
Maybe Feb. 14 should be renamed "Singles Awareness Day" to give you another opportunity to examine your solo status and recognize there is no significant other with whom to celebrate love or marriage.
Valentine's Day may also be a reminder that being single can cause anguish, as it is often seen as a one-down, inferior societal position. Therefore, you can only be unhappy and dissatisfied with your life as it is.
Although 29 percent of all adults ages 45 to 59 years old are single, the majority of the population is coupled.
In some circles, there remains a bias against singleness, especially when an active social life revolves primarily around couples getting together. As a single, it is easy to feel excluded and have the sense that there is less legitimacy and solidity if you are unmarried.
Certainly, employers looking to hire may have a bias against single job applicants, believing they may be less stable, uncommitted or unreliable.
While 70 percent of singles in the boomer years say they are dating, only 14 percent of women and 22 percent of men give finding someone to marry as a reason. Can it be that men have more to gain through a later-in-life marriage than women?
After the child-bearing years and the children are grown and gone, one may wonder if it's necessary to couple up again, especially when you are economically and emotionally independent.
However, for most, there is a longing to connect and commit to one other; to have someone who is in your corner, a loved one to support you and who has your back during the challenging times. All the studies seem to indicate that when asked what brings happiness, the overriding responses were togetherness and being in a good relationship — not wealth or career accomplishments.
As we move toward retirement, there are a few good reasons to couple up. Life can be enhanced if we have compatible companionship — someone to enjoy free time with and with whom you can visualize or plan a future.
Being in a close relationship can, if you are willing, help you to grow and do better. You practice forgiveness, compassion and healthy communication skills.
Intimacy may be viewed as "into me see." When we let our true selves be seen, we also see our own reflection. It is then that we can no longer hide or delude ourselves. We are called upon to take responsibility — for our thoughts, our words and our actions.
Beyond companionship and growth opportunities, when coupled we may acknowledge physical intimacy. Being sexual is an important aspect of remaining healthy and happy, while promoting longevity. Although we don't have to be in a coupled relationship to be physically intimate, many mature adults, for health reasons and for emotional satisfaction, are not looking for multiple lovers.
As a single person, you do have choices. You can actively work toward finding a life partner by making the effort to get out and search for someone to date or mate. Or, you can make a firm decision to feel good about your status. It can be liberating to go it alone, doing what you want, when you want to, not having to answer to anyone else.
Many of us have already experienced what it is like to feel horribly lonely while living in a committed relationship. Being alone is not always synonymous with loneliness. But for quality of living, the isolation that can happen after being single too long, or going through a divorce, or becoming a widow/widower, may need to be broken in order to live a full and abundant life.
On this holiday, if you are without a special love, make the commitment to be your own best friend. Bestow gifts of loving nourishment upon yourself and appreciate that you have arrived at this age of finally knowing how to take better care of yourself.
On Feb. 14, you might try going up to the mirror, looking yourself in the eye and giving yourself a big kiss, saying, "You are, in this moment, my one and only valentine, and I do love you."
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Angelena Craig of Newburyport is the director of The New Aging Movement and a professional-level yoga instructor. Visit her website at www.thenewagingmovement.com or email angelenayoga@verizon.net.
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