The U.S. Census reveals close to 29 percent of adults ages 50 to 65 are now single. This includes those who were never married, are widowed or divorced.
If you are someone with a single status, but are ready to break out of that category, it could be time to take action. New risks may be necessary to break out of your comfort zone and find someone new.
Dating can be challenging at any age. But for boomers, this is even more true when you consider that social skills may be a bit rusty or your thinking may be old-fashioned — especially if you are coming out of a long marriage.
Added to this, you may be dealing with "baggage," including difficult adult children, older parents who require your undivided attention, and grief or anger over your last close relationship. You may be inflexible and unwilling to change old habits and routines.
Some experience a loss of confidence in attracting someone new, due to changing physical attributes such as sagging skin or extra weight. You have to see yourself in a new way, or with an identity different than wife and mother, or husband and provider.
As you set out to explore the field of available singles and figure out what you really want in a partner, it may take some time and a lot of practice. It can be a frustrating — and even scary — journey, but it cannot be rushed.
Your goal may be that you want to meet new people and you are not looking for anything too serious. Or, you may have high hopes and expectations that you will find someone, the right someone, who will be a lover/helper/best friend/partner.
Some say you can't look for love, it just happens. After all, the right person could be browsing in the local bookstore or standing in line at the market. You may have heard the advice, "Do what you like to do and then you will attract someone with similar interests."
There are those who use New Age thinking and the laws of attraction to bring in a partner. They envision their future mate and make a list of all the qualities they seek in another, being very clear and specific. Prayer or asking Divine Intelligence to send someone to love could be what works for you.
Then, there are still those who take a more proactive approach and do everything in their power to become a couple.
They start by asking their friends to introduce them to appropriate people or they go to events held for singles. More and more people are using the Internet to find dates.
While some boomers may be skeptical or embarrassed to try online dating, people over age 50 make up Match.com's fastest-growing segment of users, with a 300 percent increase since 2000. We all know someone who met their mate through this avenue. It is important to take caution, since there are a lot of "game players" who will make up stories to lure you in or set you up for disappointment.
Couplehood at this age is not just about companionship.
When it comes to relationships, 84 percent of boomers rank physical intimacy as being "important" or "very important." Staying sexual is now recommended by the medical world as a key ingredient in remaining youthful, no matter what your age.
After finding romance and love comes the "honeymoon period," when all is well between you two and you only see the good in each other. It is a happy time, the beginning, and if you choose wisely, hopefully you continue to be happy. But it does require work.
For starters, having similar values is important, including how you feel about sex, money, politics and religion.
Perhaps the most important quality to look for at this stage in life is the ability to communicate well. Both of you should talk about your feelings and listen to the other. When things fall apart, and they just might, being able to have clear communication is the best guarantee for longevity. Throw in a sense of humor and the odds for success increases.
Being able to laugh at ourselves and to see how ridiculous it can be to argue over silly things may bring the turning point. You can decide: Do you want to stand your ground because you think you are right, or do you want a harmonious relationship?
Almost every one of us has the very same desire. To be all important to another person, to be with someone who has your back, stands in your corner, understands and respects you as an individual. This ingredient is a key factor in maintaining physical and emotional health.
Never despair that you are too old to find what you want and need of intimacy, companionship, true love and passion. It can be yours, at any age.
• • •
Angelena Craig of Newburyport is the director of The New Aging Movement and a professional-level yoga instructor. Visit her website at www.thenewagingmovement.com or email angelenayoga@verizon.net.
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