If there is one single common denominator among all parents, it is our instinct to protect our children. We all have these instincts in the pit of our stomach that guide us when making choices about what's safe for our children.
Balancing our need to protect them with the reality of wanting to allow them the age-appropriate space they need to gain independence is the never-ending task of all parents.
There are concrete ways that we, as parents, can increase our odds of protecting our children from harm. It is important to remember, though, that all safety suggestions need to be adapted by parents for age appropriateness.
In this article, I would like to address safety when you are away from home. A fun day planned at an amusement park or touring sites in the city can quickly turn into a frightening experience if you accidently become separated from your child. This time of year brings many shopping expeditions and other family-related outings. Some basic planning and discussion can help to make both parents and children feel more secure.
Young kids
Before leaving home, talk with your children about where the family is going, what activities you will be doing and what they can expect the day to be like. Make sure that children who are capable of knowing their first and last names do. They should know their parents' first and last names, as well. You would be surprised how many children say "Mom" or "Dad" when asked their parent's first name!
It also goes without saying that you should routinely quiz them on their address, including city and state. For those children who are not yet old enough to reliably remember their phone number and address, an added level of security could be to put a parent's business card in both a jacket pocket as well as the child's pants pocket on those days when you know that you will be in large crowds and there is a risk of getting separated.
Even a simple thing such as dressing your child in a very bright colored T-shirt or sweatshirt can make all the difference when you have to quickly scan a crowd looking for your child. Try to have a current photo of your child (that day, if possible) in order to help with quicker identification.
When our three daughters were young, my wife and I developed the habit of stopping our children as we entered a public event or location to point out landmarks, remind them what we wanted them to do if we got separated and go over the fact that they had their information in their pocket.
We kept our directions straight-forward, simple and age-appropriate. When they were young, we told them to stay put if they got separated from us; we would be looking for them exactly where we last saw them.
Experts suggest that if the separated child stays put, he or she is found quicker and the process is easier. You might also suggest that your child look for an adult with their hand in a cash register and tell the employee that they can't find their parent. The idea is that if an employee has their hand in the cash register, chances are that they are a safe person who can help reunite parent and child.
Older kids
As the girls became more independent, we would follow the same routine of setting guidelines before entering a public location, but alter those guidelines for their growing maturity. We pointed out a meeting place when we first arrived and made sure that everyone had their mobile phone with the volume turned up and a full battery.
If you watch the news, then you can't escape the horrifying truth that bad things happen to children of all ages. In an effort to bring some measure of comfort to yourselves as parents, it is a good idea to know some basic information and to be prepared in the very rare but unfortunately possible scenario that your child becomes missing.
Police departments and others offer child fingerprinting events free of charge. Many school photography companies have begun keeping your child's most recent school picture on a website for you to access in the event of an emergency. Paying attention to what your child is wearing each day can also be helpful if you are asked to give a description to aid searchers working in a crowd of people. The idea is to be able to act as quickly as possible but not to panic.
There are many helpful websites such as www.Mcgruff.org, which offers great advice, and www.safetytat.com, which makes children's temporary tattoos that might be useful for children who are too young to memorize their personal information.
Remember that there is strength in education. The more we teach our children the tools they need to stay safe, the better off all families are.
I would encourage all of you to spend some time talking with your children about these techniques before going out to public events. Give them a chance to ask questions and play the "what if" game with you. Ask your child, "What do you think the best thing to do would be if ... " Listen to their answer and then talk over the scenario.
An open discussion and exchange of ideas with your child is one of the best first steps you can take to arming children with the skills they need to stay safe.
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Bill Steeves is a Newburyport police officer. His column appears regularly in The Daily News.
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