OK. Here we go again. It's Valentine's Day on Tuesday. And no matter how those TV ads may try to convince us, just because we give doesn't mean we will receive. And about Cupid being chosen to represent Valentine's Day? When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
Why is it that so many mixed emotions seem to be tied up with Valentine's Day? Is it because of expectations? Anxiety about gifts that may go wrong? Regrets? A broken heart? No money to buy them what we think they want? Fear? Feeling unlovable, unloved, unworthy? Whew!
Love. What a loaded word in the English language! Yet, it may be the most important word in the world. Who, what, when, where and why we love defines us in many ways. Think about it. Where is your heart these days? Is it focused on loving someone special? Is it mending? Perhaps, your heart is hoping someone loves you or someone would take a chance on loving you.
Some of us wish our loved ones would love us in a way that we really want to be loved. Flowers are nice, but cleaning up the bathroom would be really good. Paul E. Miller, in his book "Love Walked Among Us," alludes to this when he writes: "You're late getting out of work, so you call ahead and ask your husband to start the laundry, your son to do his homework and your daughter to throw the casserole in the oven. When you walk in the door, your husband is plopped on the sofa, watching TV, the laundry basket is sitting where you left it; your son is glued to the computer as his book bag sits in the corner, unopened; and your daughter is on her cellphone as the frozen casserole sits on the counter. No one looks up as you come in. You want to scream. Love is the farthest thing from your mind. You think, 'When is someone going to love me the way I need to be loved?'"
We all need to be loved. And true love is the relationship that defines so much of how our human experience is lived. Philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti said, "The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed."
What does it mean to truly love? If you ask the younger kids on the block, here's some of what you may hear:
Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.
When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So, my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too. That's love.
Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on guy cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad, but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.
Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy, and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a person you don't like.
There are two kinds of love: our love and God's love. But God makes both kinds.
Out of the mouth of babes! Happy Valentine's!
• • •
The Rev. Susan Esco Chandler is the rector of St. James Episcopal Church, 120 Main St., Amesbury.
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