NewburyportNews.com, Newburyport, MA

Opinion

January 1, 2014

How long can I keep these resolutions?

Well, whad’ya know, I made it another year! Well, not quite yet, as I’m writing this column in late December, so I’d better cross my fingers. Just thinking, but having lived this long, it’s a wonder I’d be smarter, but I guess there are exceptions to the rule.

Anyway, isn’t this the time of year all of us make New Year’s resolutions, so we can count the days before we break them all? I’ve listed a few of my 2014 resolutions, so all of you can remind me of how badly I failed. OK, here are some of them, and as long as I told you mine, how about telling me yours?

1. I’m giving up smoking! (Fooled ya, I gave them up 2 years ago.)

2. I’m giving up hard liquor! (I’m too young to purchase a bottle.)

3. I’m slowing down to 20 mph on High Street (if someone tailgates).

4. I’ll call you rude if you don’t return your shopping cart.

5. I’ll break the speed limit to Mohegan Sun to lose more in less time.

6. I’ll root for “an open waterfront” but with development.

7. I’ll always bring a cushion to sit on the waterfront benches.

8. I’ll criticize our president, but I refuse to “bash” him.

9. I will continue my free tours of our great city just for asking.

10. I will only purchase products that are serviced by U.S. citizens.

11. I won’t remove my long underwear until May 2014.

12. I’ll pray nightly for special intentions, and courage.

13. I’ll leave this one blank in case I think of one I forgot.

Happy New Year to you all, and thanks for being you!

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Ralph J. Ayers of Newburyport calls himself a “local yokel.”

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