, Newburyport, MA


July 8, 2013

Say, Prof, you got a minute?

The other day I was chatting over coffee with my friend, the professor, who, some of you will remember, was severely hurt when struck by his wife with a dangling participle. His life was at the time despaired of by his primary care physician and other board-certified and licensed health care professionals, as well as a plurality of unregistered nurses. Thanks, however, to the care of his penitent wife, who had learned to avoid misplaced modifiers, he regained his health, as well as his occasionally irascible manner.

“Well, it’s about time!” I exclaimed indignantly in reference to some matter that had come up. A thoughtful expression came over the professor’s face and I heard the clearing of the throat which portends a discourse on some weighty matter.

“Time!” he growled. “Only this morning I was telling my wife Arachne how little grasp we have of the concept of time, and how carelessly we refer to it.

I was put in mind of this yesterday when my student Dilatorius put his head into my office and said, ‘Say, Professor, do you have a minute?’ As I suspected, he really meant a lot more time than that, and as the duration of our conference passed the half-hour mark and I began to feel more like a therapist than a scholar, I interjected, ‘How long is a minute where you come from, Dilatorius?’ He paused in his plaint that he didn’t have time to do justice to the subject of his paper, but did not seem to understand what I was saying. I thought I would have a little unfair fun at his expense.”

“I tried that line from Marvell’s poem, ‘To His Coy Mistress.’ ‘But at my back I always hear,’ quoth I, ‘time’s winged chariot hurrying near.’ However, as Sam Goldwyn might have said, ‘It rolled off his back like a duck.’ ‘Tempus fugit, Dilatorius,’ I said, ‘Time flies!’ Blank expression.

Text Only | Photo Reprints

NDN Video
Famous Internet Cats Help Big Cause With Viral Video Raw: Obama Gets Hug From Special Olympian Snoop Dogg Narrating Animal Footage Is Perfect Tigers Acquire David Price - @TheBuzzeronFOX Russell Brand Slams Sean Hannity Over Gaza Conflict Segment Chapter Two: Composing for a film in retirement Woman's Dive Goes Terribly Wrong Brian Williams Reports on Daughter Allison Williams' 'Peter Pan' Casting News Did Jimmy Fallon Look Up Heidi Klum's Dress? What Drama? Miranda Kerr Poses Topless Plane crashes in San Diego Costco parking lot Justin Bieber Takes To Instagram To Diss Orlando Bloom You Won't Believe the Celeb Cameos in "Sharknado 2" Pitch Invading Morons Cause Chaos - @TheBuzzeronFOX Orlando Bloom 'Takes a Swing' at Justin Bieber In Ibiza Sadie Doesn't Want Her Brother to Grow Up "Maxim" Hotness! See Jessica Alba's Sizzling Spread Two women barely avoid being hit by train Broken Water Main Floods UCLA Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber Reportedly Came To Blows In Ibiza
Special Features
NRA Waterfront Plans