NewburyportNews.com, Newburyport, MA

Opinion

December 17, 2012

My wife for president

To the editor:

On Nov. 6 I struggled to make my selection for president. I advocate strongly for conservative policies and it was a toss-up between Mitt Romney and my wife as a write-in candidate: Here’s why:

1. She maintains a balanced budget. When I was single, I engaged in “deficit” spending. That came to a halt 25 years ago when I married her.

2. She believes in a woman’s right to choose but without forcing government to pay for everything. After four unplanned children, she chose not to have anymore. I got “fixed” as a result and at my “expense,” of course.

3. She enforces an energy policy. I am reminded daily to shut the lights when not in a room, ease up on the pedal when driving and cook with lower temperatures (” ... you don’t have to blast everything and risk burning my house down when you cook ... save gas too “ {actual quote}).

4. She pursues a balanced foreign relations policy. I often cannot understand our young adult children when they speak to me They often articulate their points in “foreign” themes, which often irks me. Yet, she maintains effective diplomatic relations with everyone.

5. She believes in welfare reform and entitlements. Shopping, for example, brings on benefits for her family’s welfare and she is entitled to do it liberally but still within one’s means. Therefore, EBT cards and credit cards should be used sparingly and for emergencies only. Debit cards, on the other hand, are her preferred method in order to ensure automatic spending limits.

6. Controlling medical costs is key to preserving benefits for those with “legitimate needs.” She often recommends that I bring my complaints to my mother and go eat chicken soup at her house instead of whining and wasting money on co-pays at the slightest signs of the sniffles. “ ... go to your mother, she’ll take care of you” ... is a notable quote. This hasn’t been working well recently, though, since my mother announced her role as campaign manager.

Text Only | Photo Reprints

NDN Video
'Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1' Sneak Peek NOW TRENDING: Peyton Manning dancing at practice Chapter Two: Designing for Naomi Watts "The Bachelorette" Makes Her Decision Thieves pick the wrong gas station to rob Golden Sisters on '50 Shades' trailer: 'Look At That Chest!' Staten Island Man's Emotional Dunk Over NYPD Car - @TheBuzzeronFOX GMA: Dog passes out from excitment to see owner Baseball Hall of Famers Inducted Florida Keys Webcam Captures Turtles Hatching Morgan Freeman Sucks Down Helium on 'Tonight Show' Robin Wright Can Dance! (WATCH) She's Back! See Paris Hilton's New Carl's Jr. Ad Big Weekend For Atlanta Braves In Cooperstown - @TheBuzzeronFox Chapter Two: Becoming a first-time director What's Got Jack Black Freaking Out at Comic-Con? Doctors Remove 232 Teeth From Teen's Mouth Bradley Cooper Explains His Voice in 'Guardians of the Galaxy' Deja vu: Another NYPD officer choke-holding a suspect 'Fifty Shades of Grey': Watch the Super Sexy First Trailer Now!
Special Features
NRA Waterfront Plans