, Newburyport, MA


January 23, 2013

A downright entertaining eccentric -- with heart


Dexter, now the nouveau riche, purchased his palace on High Street in Newburyport and opened it to the public. His new digs were lined with statues from George Washington to King George, and one of himself titled: “I am the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western world.” The interior was lavish, well stocked in spirits and verse. A menagerie, a paradise of sorts, emerged and he boasted to his carpenter, “My house and gardens will make my stuck-up neighbors burst with envy!” With the townies whispering, “Lord Dexter,” he dubbed himself such, declaring his ennoblement as the first American “lord” according to “the will of the people.”

Being a lord, it made sense to Dexter that he travel like one. His carriage was decorated with his artifacts of clothing and gaudy property. His royal crest — a warming pan — boasted his credo, “By this I Got Ye!” His eccentric presence made “enemies grin like a cat over a hot pudding.” He hired a poet laureate, Jonathan Plummer, to sing his praises. He roamed the streets in crazy garb with his adored four-legged companion Pepper, a Mexican hairless, black dog. As socialites snubbed him, he became an imperial hit on the Hampton Beach scene, his favorite hot spot to frolic and chase local nymphs.

He hosted soirées with all the ne’er-do-wells grasping a piece of the pan fortune and a royal residence to lay their hat. His entourage included Madame Hooper, famous clairvoyant, and Lucy Lancaster, the notorious seer. His wife became increasingly suspicious and green-eyed over his sudden influx of fame and cast of characters intruding her home. Even the statues became a threat. To prove to his wife he was worthy, he faked a mock funeral. More than 3,000 showed and when his wife did not shed a tear, he set her out to pasture. He placed an ad for a new wife, but no bites, so he invited her back via a tidy sum. However, when she returned, he told visitors she had died and “the drunken nag that inhabited the house was her ghost.”

Text Only | Photo Reprints

NDN Video
Zack Snyder Shares An All-New Batfleck Photo Bill Murray Continues To Be Just Bill Murray By Eating Some Free Bill Murray Ice Cream Deja vu: Another NYPD officer choke-holding a suspect Hillary Clinton Blamed Bill's Affair With Monica Lewinsky On Abuse He Suffered As A Child 'Fifty Shades of Grey': Watch the Super Sexy First Trailer Now! Reports: Ravens RB Ray Rice Suspended For 1st 2 Games Of The Season Chapter Two: Becoming a first-time director Air Algerie plane with 119 on board missing over Mali Diamond Stone, Malik Newman, Josh Jackson and others showcase talent Free Arturo - The World's Saddest Polar Bear A Look Back at Batman On Film Through The Years LeBron James -- Dropped $2k On Cupcake Apology ... Proceeds To Benefit Charity Snoop Dogg Says He Smoked Weed at the White House Raw: Fight Breaks Out in Ukraine Parliament Chris Pratt Interrupts Interview To French Braid Intern's Hair Shirtless Super Mario Balotelli Dances While Ironing - @TheBuzzeronFOX Whoa! Watch "Housewives" Star Do the Unthinkable LeBron apologizes to neighbors with cupcakes Justin Bieber In Calvin Klein Underwear Shoot Samsung Pre-Trolls The IPhone 6 With New Ad
Special Features
NRA Waterfront Plans