NewburyportNews.com, Newburyport, MA

Opinion

March 14, 2013

Alien hitches ride in family car

(Continued)

My current car, however, my first-ever new car purchase, is a Honda CRV. When I open the hood, it’s jam-packed with housings and hoses and wires and dip sticks. Where in the world is the fan housing unit?

So what to do? Here I must tell the truth, which should be the purpose of a piece of writing. This is not a miniature version of “Free Willy.” I want that mouse out of there, whatever it takes. I don’t want it chewing on my wires and insulation. Or watching me.

My solution, which I also use in the cellar and garage, is to resort to D-Con, presuming that the mouse is alive and active.

I don’t particularly like killing things, but this issue cries out for a resolution.

It feels strange to peel back the plastic on a tray of D-Con and put it into a car, but why not? Why wouldn’t it work? The theory is that mice get thirsty after eating the poison and go outside seeking water before meeting their ultimate end. This is just what I want — the mouse or its cadaver out of the car.

My first attempt apparently does not work. The bait is not touched, so I remove it from the car. At the same time I clean up the shredded pieces of tissue. Maybe the mouse has already departed, I hope. A couple of days later, however, more tissue has been shredded. Now, this is war! Back goes the bait!

The next day, the tray is empty.

That, however, raises some more questions. Did this mouse indeed depart the vehicle before expiring? Time and my nose will probably tell. Was a nest of young ones left behind? Same answer. Will more mice follow in the path of the first pioneer? Is this an ongoing battle? Or was this just a random act of homesteading? What pre-emptive strike could I take? How do I know when I’ve won?

If someone out there knows the answer to these questions, please let me know.

I’m not running a boarding house here.

By the way, please don’t mention any of this to my wife. I might have to sell the car.

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Stuart Deane lives in Newburyport.

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