By Taylor Armerding
May 10, 2008 03:39 am Random thoughts accumulated over random weeks: I got a press release a while ago telling me World Vegetarian Week was nigh. It gave me an irresistible craving for a burger. nnn I used to think ripe was really a positive word. You know, perfect. At the natural peak. Full of health and flavor. Until I got to be my age. Now, my friends remind me that ripe is just this side of rotten. Thanks. nnn Could the advocates for increased government spending puh-leeze stop telling us that their latest raid on our wallets — overrides, fees, "community preservation" taxes — will just amount to "a cup of coffee a day." That's been used so many times that I'm now paying for an Olympic swimming pool's worth of coffee a day. nnn I propose Armerding's corollary to Murphy's Law: The chance of every green light I approach turning to yellow at precisely the point where I don't know if I have time to get through it or not before it turns red, is approximately 100 percent. nnn Three — make that four — unmistakable indications that Hillary knows her divine right to be president is slipping away: On Indiana/North Carolina primary night, the victory smile that bore some semblance to being genuine after Pennsylvania was back to frozen plastic; she was back to whining about being outspent; and she was promoting her Web site (begging for money). The fourth? Her husband was hovering just behind her right shoulder, looking about as happy as he did 10 years ago when he was forced to confess that what he'd been denying for months was true. nnn Is it possible for Dice-K to pitch his first two innings in the bullpen or something? Seems like he's never ready until at least the third. nnn From only a "handful" of middle school students having their own cell phone five years ago, now about 80 percent have them. Not surprising, I guess. Nobody even knows what they did without a cell phone any more. But what about the other 20 percent? Where are Hillary and Barack, to declare that every child has a "right" to a cell phone, and when one of them becomes president, by golly, no child will be left without one? nnn I really like the thinking of the Boston firefighters union. They want to get paid extra for proving that they're not coming to work under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Great idea. I want to be paid extra for showing up to work sober, too. I think I should also get some extra pay for knowing how to type — I mean, "keyboard." nnn I'm going to spend my big economic stimulus check on three tanks of gas. Maybe it'll be down to two by the time I actually get the money. nnn The Massachusetts Legislature is about to set the cigarette tax at $2.51 a pack — second in the nation only to New York — which will put its take from a pack of smokes somewhere between 40 and 50 percent. So, what was that about oil company profits, at less than 10 percent, being "obscene"? At least the oil companies produce something. Government just collects the profit from the labor of others. How about we the people tax the state for its windfall profits on cigarettes. nnn Former senator and presidential candidate George McGovern who, as they say, knows a thing or two about losing elections, is now calling on Hillary to drop out. Oh, yeah, that'll be the voice that finally brings her campaign down. nnn Taylor Armerding is associate editorial page editor of The Eagle-Tribune and an occasional contributor to The Daily News. He may be reached at 978-946-2213 or at tarmerding@eagletribune.com. Read him daily at The Soapbox, the Eagle-Tribune blog at blogs.eagletribune.com/soapbox
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