Opinion

How you do run on!

As Good As Your Word
Jonathan Wells
Published: July 13, 2009

Once at school I was memorably tickled to hear a master (as the teachers were then and there denominated!) say to one of my notoriously talkative classmates, "Larry, you left your voice running," as if his voice were a car or a hot-water faucet. Most of us know some Larrys, who do "run on" (as Scarlett O'Hara said to Rhett Butler) whether they really have anything to say or not. Perhaps we also know a few silent types who prefer action or inaction to words.

In past columns I've mentioned the richness and variety of English words and the potential to find just the right ones for almost any situation. Finding good expressive words to use is very important — and usually fun. But just finding and using them is not enough. You have to keep them under control. Reading Dickens' "Barnaby Rudge" gives me the feeling that he must have been paid by the word. The thread and momentum of that story seem to get lost upon a sea of words. Perfectly good — often fine — words they are, but there are too darned many of them.

The speech of many people has the same fault; it runs on, with far less clear purpose, direction or clarity of thought than Dickens had, filled with whatever jejune and uninteresting words come handy. Acute listener boredom ensues. At the other extreme, most of us find it hard always to keep mum, and if we do we open ourselves to charges of surliness. Ordinarily, therefore, we have to balance loquacity on the one hand with taciturnity on the other. A fair amount of thought and practice, leavened with the experiences and suggestions of others, has led me to create a set of guidelines which many people will find useful and thought-provoking:

1) Never talk to someone who isn't listening to you. This is a terrible mistake. It makes the speaker look weak and ineffective, it wastes time, and it creates distraction and confusion. The minute you observe that you are losing the attention of your audience, stop talking until you can get it back.

2) Decide whether you should say anything at all. Use your silence effectively. (But do speak when you ought to). Silence can be a very powerful tool, and it provides you with the opportunity to listen. Despite what Mother said, you don't even have to answer a question!

3) Before you speak, think — always. (The more significant the issue, the more thought required). Ask yourself:

— If I do speak, why? What's the point of what I'm going to say?

— Who is this person that I am about to speak or respond to?

— How should I phrase what I have decided to say?

— What will the effect of my remarks be? Is that the effect I want?

— What will follow?

4) Prove all assumptions before speaking or acting on them. At the least, you will avoid embarrassing yourself.

5) Use questions; they are often better than statements or "answers." They help you to understand and to control the conversation.

6) Understand the power of body language, listen to it and use it intentionally. All that can be said here is that research shows that body language is really important — control yours, pay attention to your listener and act accordingly.

7) Be keenly aware of your voice — tone, volume, pitch, etc .— and use it well. The tone of voice can be far more important than the actual words you are using.

8) Speak with care, clarity and conviction (as some of our popular politicians have recently harmed themselves by failing to do). If this seems to present a difficulty, maybe you need to stop and think it over.

These guidelines establish the principle and technique of speaking with intention.

For the devotees of Mark Twain (which I hope describes you) a story of his called "Cecil Rhodes and the Shark," about how Rhodes made his first fortune, illustrates the point. Rhodes is talking to a broker from whom he intends to borrow a huge sum of money.

The Broker: " ... as I understand it, it is your desire to bor-"

Rhodes: "I said intention."

The Broker: "Pardon, so you did. I thought it was an unheedful use of the word — and unheedful valuing of its strength, you know."

Rhodes: "I knew its strength."

The Broker (a little later, much impressed): " ... Look here. Definite speech means clarity of mind."

His intentional approach enables Rhodes to make his case. He gets his loan and makes a fortune! A good example for us all?

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Jonathan Wells lives in Newbury. Contact him at jon3sticks@aol.com.